I'm lonely..............

I've been divorced since I was 32, I'm now 59. During that time I focussed all my energy on bringing up my 2 sons (then aged 3 and 6), running the home as well as doing a full time job. The years have gradually slipped by unnoticed whilst I went back to college to upgrade my skills, then trained as an aromatherapist. Moving out of the jointly owned house then came in 1996 and a catalogue of housing, job and financial disasters also all the emotial pain of losing first my father and then last year my mother.

All this time all I kept trying to do was survive to live another day. I had no social life or friends let alone a partner. Then the health problems started following the unfair loss of my job of 5 years 2 years ago and the unability to get another to where I am today - in pain every day for a variety of medical reasons, mentally my brain is now like porridge and I get panic attacks and constantly feel fear (to involved to say why) - and still I remain - with no friends, social life or partner. All I have are my 2 sons one of whom suffers severe panic attacks and is an alcoholic and a nutty sister who suffers with bi-polar disease and also is an alcoholic.

I'm so lonely, scared, and terrified of growing older and dying. I keep getting one medical problem after another and nothing ever seems to get better only worse. Obviously I'm depressed as well as the health worries, I keep getting mental flashbacks to when I was younger and it makes me cry - those days are gone never to be lived or experienced again.

Am I the only one who feels like this or is there any of you who also feel the same. If there is - tell me how you cope because I'm hanging on by my fingernails - just.

[jayjay]

Originally Posted by PoisonIvy

I've been divorced since I was 32, I'm now 59. During that time I focussed all my energy on bringing up my 2 sons (then aged 3 and 6), running the home as well as doing a full time job. The years have gradually slipped by unnoticed whilst I went back to college to upgrade my skills, then trained as an aromatherapist. Moving out of the jointly owned house then came in 1996 and a catalogue of housing, job and financial disasters also all the emotial pain of losing first my father and then last year my mother.

All this time all I kept trying to do was survive to live another day. I had no social life or friends let alone a partner. Then the health problems started following the unfair loss of my job of 5 years 2 years ago and the unability to get another to where I am today - in pain every day for a variety of medical reasons, mentally my brain is now like porridge and I get panic attacks and constantly feel fear (to involved to say why) - and still I remain - with no friends, social life or partner. All I have are my 2 sons one of whom suffers severe panic attacks and is an alcoholic and a nutty sister who suffers with bi-polar disease and also is an alcoholic.

I'm so lonely, scared, and terrified of growing older and dying. I keep getting one medical problem after another and nothing ever seems to get better only worse. Obviously I'm depressed as well as the health worries, I keep getting mental flashbacks to when I was younger and it makes me cry - those days are gone never to be lived or experienced again.

Am I the only one who feels like this or is there any of you who also feel the same. If there is - tell me how you cope because I'm hanging on by my fingernails - just.

i am sooooooooooo sorry to hear all this it is soo sad ive been thru a rough tym but this is tougher than anythin all i can say is u now have friends now on here includin me if u ever need to chat or nethin just give us a shout i know i'll be more than happy to listen. u not alone plzz dont suffer alone nd talk it out. i'll make u smile i know it coz ppl are always caallin me a clown, dont think thats generally a good thing tho lol

[starstruck]

Originally Posted by PoisonIvy

I've been divorced since I was 32, I'm now 59. During that time I focussed all my energy on bringing up my 2 sons (then aged 3 and 6), running the home as well as doing a full time job. The years have gradually slipped by unnoticed whilst I went back to college to upgrade my skills, then trained as an aromatherapist. Moving out of the jointly owned house then came in 1996 and a catalogue of housing, job and financial disasters also all the emotial pain of losing first my father and then last year my mother.

All this time all I kept trying to do was survive to live another day. I had no social life or friends let alone a partner. Then the health problems started following the unfair loss of my job of 5 years 2 years ago and the unability to get another to where I am today - in pain every day for a variety of medical reasons, mentally my brain is now like porridge and I get panic attacks and constantly feel fear (to involved to say why) - and still I remain - with no friends, social life or partner. All I have are my 2 sons one of whom suffers severe panic attacks and is an alcoholic and a nutty sister who suffers with bi-polar disease and also is an alcoholic.

I'm so lonely, scared, and terrified of growing older and dying. I keep getting one medical problem after another and nothing ever seems to get better only worse. Obviously I'm depressed as well as the health worries, I keep getting mental flashbacks to when I was younger and it makes me cry - those days are gone never to be lived or experienced again.

Am I the only one who feels like this or is there any of you who also feel the same. If there is - tell me how you cope because I'm hanging on by my fingernails - just.

Hi PoisonIvy.....Im sorry to hear that you feel so low..We are a very friendly and caring lot on here....so please beleive me when i say there are people on here with similar problems, ..you are not alone....please talk about them to us and im sure we can help
This is a chat room where people really care ...You are a strong person to have come so far...so keep plodding and talking ...you will get through it

i used to have up to 5 panic attacks a day hun - wot stopped it , and this will sound odd - lie down and sing any song that comes in your head , dont know why but it works for me try it

Thank you guys you are all so very very sweet and so supportive. I have to admit that I have made contact with one lovely lady from the WOC chat room and having started to participate on this board have found you all to be amazing people. You have such a wonderful sense of humour, permit the use of slightly naughty humour, chat about great topice all in all this is a great way to just relax and be oneself.

Jayjay thank you for your offer to chat when things get a bit on top of me.
Starstruck - I wear flat shoes with all my plodding - I don't intent to change now I'll keep plodding promise !!!
And as for you Loopychops (oh I so love your name) - you are totally nuts you do know that don't you !!! I'll remember next time the pain gets to me and the panic wells up - I'll think of you

Bless you all so much

[jayjay]

Originally Posted by PoisonIvy

Thank you guys you are all so very very sweet and so supportive. I have to admit that I have made contact with one lovely lady from the WOC chat room and having started to participate on this board have found you all to be amazing people. You have such a wonderful sense of humour, permit the use of slightly naughty humour, chat about great topice all in all this is a great way to just relax and be oneself.

Jayjay thank you for your offer to chat when things get a bit on top of me.
Starstruck - I wear flat shoes with all my plodding - I don't intent to change now I'll keep plodding promise !!!
And as for you Loopychops (oh I so love your name) - you are totally nuts you do know that don't you !!! I'll remember next time the pain gets to me and the panic wells up - I'll think of you

Bless you all so much

lol ivy ill be waitin for the time u need me lol maybe ageeeeeeeees tho lol

So when I want you I just put my lips together and just whistle do I ? !!!!

[jayjay]

Originally Posted by PoisonIvy

So when I want you I just put my lips together and just whistle do I ? !!!!

got it in 1 lol x

Mmm. Okay so we know what I'm whinging about - I'll say this just once and then we'll both know where I'm coming from:

1) Got osteo-arthritis in both hips right worse than the left. This affects me walking, sleeping (what's that?), putting on socks and can't even do my own feet - can't reach as cannot bend my legs around like I used to. Can't climb up stairs/steps but can go down, except when my left knee plays up in sympathy with my hips. They won't do a hip replacement yet as they say it's not bad enough yet - screams saving money again to me.

2) Got osteo-arthritis in my spine between my shoulder blades and get awful pain under the left shoulder blade. Starts as soon as I start using my arms to brush my hair, carry any shopping, washing up, dusting etc etc ad nauseum.

For both these problems I've had CT scan, x-rays, various physio treatments that don't work including accupuncture and now they won't even treat me as they say nothing they would do would have any longterm effect. Yes, I may experience some relief for a few days/weeks and then back it would come. So mega thanks to the NHS for their overwhelming support on this.

3) Been referred to a Muscular Skeletal Specialist who is going to refer me on to a Pain Management Clinic as he thinks I have fibromyalgia - about 25 miles away and no, I don't have a car anymore and no they won't arrange transport so its get the bus or train - oh joy, can't wait.

Can't take the majority of painkillers out there for one reason or another so go slowly round the twist and cry at times.

4) I also have Diverticular Disease - anyone who has that knows this causes problems all the time and pain. This cannot be cured so got it for life. Just have to put up with it. Periodically have to have antispasmodics and antibiotics when the flare ups start.

5) Had my Gallbladder out last November and had nothing but pain ever since. Had numerous course of antibiotics - finally had a scan of my upper abdo, but was told nothing appeared obvious that there was a post op complication. Will need to see GP after Easter. She said I'm one of the 40% of folk who have problems following gallbladder removal. Like nausea, pain, cramps, digestive problems.

6) I've also got an irregular heart beat it gallops and misses beats. This usually lasts between 2-3 hours or 12 or more hours at a time. During which time I feel like I've taken magic mushrooms I feel so dizzy, spaced out, headachy, out of breath and generally unwell. On betablockers for that. These alone are causing me to have nasty side effects. I was taken to A&E end of last November and was to have had a 24-hour monitor - this I am still waiting to have done.

So there you have it, just a few of the things I'm trying desperately to deal with.

So JayJay - if you can make me laugh then please keep trying. If you are a miracle healer and can get rid of pain you'll be my hero for life!

[jayjay]

Originally Posted by PoisonIvy

Mmm. Okay so we know what I'm whinging about - I'll say this just once and then we'll both know where I'm coming from:

1) Got osteo-arthritis in both hips right worse than the left. This affects me walking, sleeping (what's that?), putting on socks and can't even do my own feet - can't reach as cannot bend my legs around like I used to. Can't climb up stairs/steps but can go down, except when my left knee plays up in sympathy with my hips. They won't do a hip replacement yet as they say it's not bad enough yet - screams saving money again to me.

2) Got osteo-arthritis in my spine between my shoulder blades and get awful pain under the left shoulder blade. Starts as soon as I start using my arms to brush my hair, carry any shopping, washing up, dusting etc etc ad nauseum.

For both these problems I've had CT scan, x-rays, various physio treatments that don't work including accupuncture and now they won't even treat me as they say nothing they would do would have any longterm effect. Yes, I may experience some relief for a few days/weeks and then back it would come. So mega thanks to the NHS for their overwhelming support on this.

3) Been referred to a Muscular Skeletal Specialist who is going to refer me on to a Pain Management Clinic as he thinks I have fibromyalgia - about 25 miles away and no, I don't have a car anymore and no they won't arrange transport so its get the bus or train - oh joy, can't wait.

Can't take the majority of painkillers out there for one reason or another so go slowly round the twist and cry at times.

4) I also have Diverticular Disease - anyone who has that knows this causes problems all the time and pain. This cannot be cured so got it for life. Just have to put up with it. Periodically have to have antispasmodics and antibiotics when the flare ups start.

5) Had my Gallbladder out last November and had nothing but pain ever since. Had numerous course of antibiotics - finally had a scan of my upper abdo, but was told nothing appeared obvious that there was a post op complication. Will need to see GP after Easter. She said I'm one of the 40% of folk who have problems following gallbladder removal. Like nausea, pain, cramps, digestive problems.

6) I've also got an irregular heart beat it gallops and misses beats. This usually lasts between 2-3 hours or 12 or more hours at a time. During which time I feel like I've taken magic mushrooms I feel so dizzy, spaced out, headachy, out of breath and generally unwell. On betablockers for that. These alone are causing me to have nasty side effects. I was taken to A&E end of last November and was to have had a 24-hour monitor - this I am still waiting to have done.

So there you have it, just a few of the things I'm trying desperately to deal with.

So JayJay - if you can make me laugh then please keep trying. If you are a miracle healer and can get rid of pain you'll be my hero for life!

i will and i can p.s good luck with everythin i really dnt knw wat to say speechless