How do i cope with this

[starstruck]

A few years ago whilst working in a post office i became friendly with an old gentleman who had just lost his wife, his only son had been killed a few years earlier in a motorbike accident
And like many families, no one seemed to bother about him, I started by doing a bit of shopping for him, then changing his bedding ,then cleaning his windows , a bit of cleaning in the house, just helping him in his every day struggle,
He decided i would be his daughter he never had,And i looked upon him as the father i never had
Twelve month ago his health deterioated and he had to be taken into a home, still none of his family visited His only wish was that he did'nt want to die alone and i promised him i would be with him when the time came
Sadly that time came last night at ten o clock, Id sat with him for five hours in the afternoon when a relative whom he had'nt seen in months turned up and advised me to go home and come back in the morning
I arrived home at 7.30 last night and the call from the nursing home came at 10.00pm I was'nt with him as i promised.....I am devastated.....how do i cope with it!

[jayjay]

Originally Posted by starstruck

A few years ago whilst working in a post office i became friendly with an old gentleman who had just lost his wife, his only son had been killed a few years earlier in a motorbike accident
And like many families, no one seemed to bother about him, I started by doing a bit of shopping for him, then changing his bedding ,then cleaning his windows , a bit of cleaning in the house, just helping him in his every day struggle,
He decided i would be his daughter he never had,And i looked upon him as the father i never had
Twelve month ago his health deterioated and he had to be taken into a home, still none of his family visited His only wish was that he did'nt want to die alone and i promised him i would be with him when the time came
Sadly that time came last night at ten o clock, Id sat with him for five hours in the afternoon when a relative whom he had'nt seen in months turned up and advised me to go home and come back in the morning
I arrived home at 7.30 last night and the call from the nursing home came at 10.00pm I was'nt with him as i promised.....I am devastated.....how do i cope with it!

hun u did all u can and much much more. It was relative who didnt let u stay. If u wasnt there he would have died all alone but u made him feel loved and he felt he had sum1. u made his last days a million times better and there is absolutely no reason u shud feel like crap. We are human all we can do is make a promise from the heart then its gods decision whether we get to fulfill that promise. Ur promise was sincere and thats wat matters so chin up n smile if he could say something to u now im sure he wud hv been soooooo grateful u done well xxx

Starstruck, firstly my sympathy and hugs go out to you. I truly know how you are feeling and how it is tearing you apart that you feel you broke your promise. But you didn't. You were with this old gentleman when he needed you the most, through all those times when he had no-one to care. You made his remaining time in this life worth living. At the very end very few are honestly aware of their surroundings anymore either due to their illness or medication. You held him in your heart and mind through to the end and he will know this.

Smile and be happy that he is now at peace and that you shared the time you did together.

[Avec]

Starstruck.. from everything you have said, you are an amazing person.
I know that your *Dad* would have appreciated ever single moment
you spent with him, plus all your good works.
Remember, he knew you were only human like him. I am sure He is looking
down, smiling at you.
You deserve an award for this. Please stop feeling guilty.
God Bless you.

[Swifty89]

Originally Posted by Avec

Starstruck.. from everything you have said, you are an amazing person.
I know that your *Dad* would have appreciated ever single moment
you spent with him, plus all your good works.
Remember, he knew you were only human like him. I am sure He is looking
down, smiling at you.
You deserve an award for this. Please stop feeling guilty.
God Bless you.

i second that.

[Natz]

I understand how you must feel, but you have nothing to reproach yourself for. You did everything in your power for this nice man. You shouldn't feel bad about it. I'm sure he'll understand the situation. He'll be very proud of you for all that you've done for him babes, so try not to dwell on that you wern't by his bed side at the time of his death. He knows your a lovely person and he won't be upset that you wasn't there. At least you was with him while he was living. You obviously brought alot of joy into his life. So if you ever feel sad, think about the good times with him, when he was happy. If you dwell on not being with him at the end it'll drive you crazy. So try to let it go, even though it is very hard to do xx

sounds hard but move on.
soz hun i know thats hard to do some times but thats life

So sorry dear. Believe me when I tell you that he is very grateful for you and your compassion. If you had not stayed with him and cared for him, he would have been on the news as the old man who died alone. Family would not have had the opportunity to have seen him in the end had you not kept his spirit alive longer. He is happy you did. He is happy to have finally had a family member there. The family member may have been compelled to relieve you from sitting there to get you a break in the emotional toll. Are you able to still communicate with this family member? If so, attempt to tell the good things about this gentleman and the good things he had remembered about the family. Do not fret. Your heart should be at rest with this.

Any lose is heartbreaking, but one thing I have learnt, it at the time of passing, your "Dad" would not have been alone, his wife and son would have come to collect him as he passed over, it is a very private precious moment, and 9 times out of 10 even if you had been there, you would probably popped out for a coffee, or visit the bathroom and "missed" his passing. Take comfort in all you did for him, and how you filled his life with love that he thought he had lost forever, that he is now reunited with.

[shazzababie]

i second that youngatheart, i was lucky enough to be with someone i loved a lot when they passed away.... i like to think someone came and collected them as well as us holding their hand and stroking their head at that moment....