daughter going down wrong road single dad

[rig258]

please help me am really worried about my daughter who is just 14, i hadnt seen my daughter for five years and out of nowere in october 07 she arrived at my door i ddnt even recognise her, we both broke down and hugged each other, she had been thrown out by her mum who had also thrown my son out when he was twelve josh is now 19 and in the parachute regiment, but my girl is in high school with 1 1/2 yrs to go trouble is SCHOOL she's permentaly on report and forever in trouble. She has also been drinking and even done a 'ALLNIGHTER' OK she was gripped and grounded by myself her mum or mums husband always ring and ask what am going to do about it, i have found letters in her room (written before she left her mums) concerning her mum and her elder sista bulling her, i no i need to make her understand wat she is doing is wrong but feel under pressure from the mum and step-dad i find myself screaming at her and then feel so guilty afterwards because i hadnt seen her for so long when i seen her back in october she told me she knew i loved her and that she had always loved me i feel as though her mum is controling me again and trying to make my daughter dislike me, i was always ripped to bits by her my son and i spoke the other week and he told thst when he came to live with me that the reason why he ddnt see his mum for the first two years was because of her always being in the house full of her mates just rippen me to pieces, i always encouraged him to see her but after so long he said he would go when ready, my dsaughter sees her mum but eveytime she goes there her mum has a go at her ex: you look like a man was one another was going to get a drink out the fridge to be told she ddnt live there anymore so not to help herself and to go i could go on forever thing is ive never pulled her down never to the kids but am on the edge of insanity i feel like am gonna say some home truths in front of children i havelost two stone and weigh 9st i feel ill ive told my daughter i love her and wateva else can be said but not gettin anywere my daughters friends mum told me that abbie had spoken to her on numerous occastions and that she said her head was everywere an that her mum was being nasty WHAT CAN I DO ANY ADVICE CAN ONLY HELP THANKS

[pete8242]

its a long process
there is no short term solution to long term problems other than stick with it
ignore and dismiss the pettyness of your ex
soon it will go away in both you and your siblings minds
lay the house rules and stick to them kids need structure
they will rebel you did when you were young
be firm in your punishment
do not make idle threats
do things as a family unit be it cinema bowling or just time together
praise all the time for them doing good
encouragement when they lose the way
be open and honest with them
be the dad they need not the dad they want

[rig258]

thanks pete thats good advice everythink was so diff with my son i wdnt wanted him to turn out any differant he gives respect to his elders he is polite, keep fit fanatic but when he first came to live with me he was on the down path buts its just so differant my daughters mum is being nasty and she was crying telling me she hadnt seen her mum for two weeks that she wasnt returning her calls or txts shes playing games with her and shes only got as i sed 1 1/2 yrs left why would someone do that i no if i can get her to keeep her head together she will leave school with nearly top marks she is very bright but just when i feel like am on top i find her mum being nasty which makes her take it out on the teachers she has never answered me back but the teachers thats all she does

[chodder]

true words spoke by pete there . going to be hard but it will fall into place eventually. But can i ask you were you been the last 5 years of your daughters life ?????

[rig258]

hi sorry it took so long to reply ive been in and out of court every few mnths since i got married before i was married i had my 3 children from a frid to a sunday every w end without fail every school holiday summer holidays from start to finish neva missed a w/end as soon as i was married was wen it all started my wife couldnt take anymore of her games and left me 13mnths in2 r marriage the court thing when on and off and on for 3 yrs in which time i had a breakdown due to my brother commiting suicide and still trying to come to terms with it at this moment in time

[jaydee]

I agree with chodder and pete rig, all you can do is stick with it and be there when she needs you. I know it's frustrating not being able to do anything about it but getting yourself in a tizz won't help either, all you'll end up doing is making yourself ill.

[rig258]

thanks hun i no it was good advice and am gonna try my best, believe it or not i can give good advice but usually cant take my own lol x

[wednesday]

Bless, i have a 14 yr old daughter 2...and im a single mum, so...you can imagine it can be highly stressful at times...the best thing u can do is continue being a good father. Its wonderful to see that u are concerned about her behaviour and not sweeping it under the carpet like many.
She will recognise this eventually xxxxx

[Mischa]

Hi Rig I've been there too. Single mum looking after 2. The eldest became troublesome around the same age as well. Its a tough time for youngsters they're neither children or adults and its a confusing period. Just love your daughter, be there and listen to her. Don't take sides and like Pete said be firm and let her know your house rules aren't to be broken. We've all been young and survived, she will too and realise you're on her side not another enemy to rebel against.

[Barwench]

Only thing I can add to what pete said is to maybe sit down with your daughter and find out WHY she miss behaves at school, tell her you will always be by her side if not always on it.
Also get her to help you set the house rules, rules she makes herself are harder to break.
Now her mum, thats a hard topic to broach, not knowing all the ins and outs of your relationship its hard to give advice, what I can tell you though is my experience with my eldest daughter father.
He was a nasty piece of work, put me in hospital 3 times, but my daughter still thought the world of him. I never stopped him seeing her, or bad mouthed him in front of her, but I did tell her I didnt like him any more. It took her till her 18th birthday to realise what a bastard he was, and she wanted nothing more to do with him, I then told her all about him.
It took a while, but kids aint daft, they come to their own decisions in their own time, but aventually they see through all the crap and lies, the trick is just to weather the storm till then.